The story began on an escalator with my friends (whom have no faces). We were talking about death, the inevitable. Suddenly, I had a bad feeling and decided to call Mou. Somehow we just recovered from a fight and weren't exactly on talking terms yet. Then, someone told me he died. This information could not sink in until many different people repeated the same cold heartless words: He died. I started sobbing uncontrollably.

The funny thing was there were two funerals. One at my house and the other at his. My brother accompanied me over to his house for the wake. His mother handed over a letter he wrote to me in his last moments. He wrote about photography, how one could see happy moments through lens, and there were a couple of our photos. He said “There should be angels up there. Heaven should be like ____(It is a small square grey patch of nothing in the dream!). I don’t know and I am scare.” He went on to tell me to stay positive and strong no matter what life brings in the future. Then, he wrote about injecting himself x amount of pain free drugs every half an hour until it reaches 5mg. “When you hit 5mg, life would become meaningless to you from this moment on.” Abruptly, the letter ended here. I read it twice in my dream kept thinking why didn’t he write something like he loves me, move on, etc. Or there were hidden meanings to what he wrote. I even convinced myself that he probably was in too much pain to write a proper good bye letter. However, somehow I knew what he was trying to say. (I could subconsciously use my brain to think about such stuffs! Goodness!) Despite his intentions to lessen my sufferings by not informing me about his impending death, I felt really upset for not being there by his deathbed. In the process of mourning over his death, I woke up to a familiar dark room crying.

The feeling of losing someone was so intense and real in the dream. The last time I felt this way was when he-who-must-not-be-named left. Thankfully it is just a dream. But why are the emotions so real? I could not help it but cry real hard. Can we all not die or lose people we know? Damn emo because of the dream. It is about 7.30am and he should be asleep. I wanted to call him so badly.

On the other hand, isn’t it amazing that one could actually analyze situations in the dream and live in it? It’s like another world in there.