快乐宝宝 {♥}

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Somewhere over the rainbow (The Original)

Good Bye Warren's House, Good Bye Orangey Room

Dear House at Warren,

Perfection is subjective

He is the half part of a blessed man

Bad dream

The story began on an escalator with my friends (whom have no faces). We were talking about death, the inevitable. Suddenly, I had a bad feeling and decided to call Mou. Somehow we just recovered from a fight and weren't exactly on talking terms yet. Then, someone told me he died. This information could not sink in until many different people repeated the same cold heartless words: He died. I started sobbing uncontrollably.

The funny thing was there were two funerals. One at my house and the other at his. My brother accompanied me over to his house for the wake. His mother handed over a letter he wrote to me in his last moments. He wrote about photography, how one could see happy moments through lens, and there were a couple of our photos. He said “There should be angels up there. Heaven should be like ____(It is a small square grey patch of nothing in the dream!). I don’t know and I am scare.” He went on to tell me to stay positive and strong no matter what life brings in the future. Then, he wrote about injecting himself x amount of pain free drugs every half an hour until it reaches 5mg. “When you hit 5mg, life would become meaningless to you from this moment on.” Abruptly, the letter ended here. I read it twice in my dream kept thinking why didn’t he write something like he loves me, move on, etc. Or there were hidden meanings to what he wrote. I even convinced myself that he probably was in too much pain to write a proper good bye letter. However, somehow I knew what he was trying to say. (I could subconsciously use my brain to think about such stuffs! Goodness!) Despite his intentions to lessen my sufferings by not informing me about his impending death, I felt really upset for not being there by his deathbed. In the process of mourning over his death, I woke up to a familiar dark room crying.

The feeling of losing someone was so intense and real in the dream. The last time I felt this way was when he-who-must-not-be-named left. Thankfully it is just a dream. But why are the emotions so real? I could not help it but cry real hard. Can we all not die or lose people we know? Damn emo because of the dream. It is about 7.30am and he should be asleep. I wanted to call him so badly.

On the other hand, isn’t it amazing that one could actually analyze situations in the dream and live in it? It’s like another world in there.

Endings are Beginnings

2010. The start of a new century is coming to an end in less than 24 hours. Cracking my brain real hard to think of all the significant events. I guess my year is either not that eventful or it's a sign of aging. Remembered the first time I stepped into the dialysis centre overwhelmed with tears. Remembered close friend's wedding. Remembered how funny yet touching it was when Adam took his first few steps. Remembered how sucky my first job was and the vast difference in my second. Not forgetting, this is the year the weighing scale finally reads 45. (It has since moved right. damn.) Definitely recalled the plans we had, the first blue box, and the first oversea trip together. Also, this year marks the end of living in a condo. Yup! I'm feeling contented on the whole. I guess I grew up quite a bit too. =) I sincerely hope everyone have a blessed and safe 2011.

We have a sweet sweet plan!

Having plans about the future is like decorating a dull winding road with flowers, rainbows and butterflies!

Events to look forward to (till the end of 2010)

• Public holiday 5 Nov
• Family chalet 9 Nov
• Public holiday 17 Nov
• My birthday 21 Nov
• Boyfriend last paper 26 Nov
• Brother birthday 2 Dec
• 2nd Year Anni 17 Dec
• Bangkok trip 22 Dec
• Christmas 25 Dec
• Boyfriend birthday 26 Dec
• New year countdown 31 Dec

Things I did last holiday (18/10 - 31/10)

• Packed wardrobe
• Packed study room
• Completed The Big Bang Theory tv series
• Visited friend's family
• Gym
• Did a mindmap
• Chilled at Brotzeit with ex-colleagues
• Yum Cha with uni clique
• Facial
• Hair cut
• Mahjong with the guys
• Went back Ghim Moh for chicken rice
• Accompanied the boyfriend while he do project
• Chauffeur to Father, Mother, Adam, Boyfriend
• Slept at 3am, Woke at 12pm
• Nua
• Nua
• Nua
• Prepare for work

Healthy- for you and them

Farewell BTI and Hello Holiday

Good Afternoon World!

I will survive

I have decided not to blog about my job due to sensitivity issue. I feel tired having to explain it again as well. In a nutshell, I am leaving. =) For the better of tomorrow. To me, I feel that this is a period that is quite tormenting. But I know in the eyes of others, this is just another episode that is not as bad as what they see. After all everyone has their own perspective, everyone take things differently. So really, just let me ramble and fumble my way through. And I thank you for your support and advice. =) We can party when I get my sunshine back!

These days while I was going through a tough time, I happen to come across a couple of friends who are also going though a bad phase. Only we are fretting over different issues. I may not understand how it feels to be thrown with such shit but I know it suck to be in deep shit. I can imagine what you guys are going through. Remember what doesn’t kills us only makes us stronger… We are 打不死的蟑蝻!

“Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it”
“If you cannot change fate, change your attitude”

My most expensive asset

Finally bought a macbook pro after procrastinating for a few months. There goes a month pay. The next thing to buy is a 2+1 speaker as well as a cable to connect the laptop to the tv. Then I could bom bom pow in the room. The only down side so far is I couldn't watch funshion with mac. =( But it's okie I've downloaded windows 7. Waiting for someone to provide installation service. Hehe! Very happy with my purchase. And my desktop is now taken over by my mum who (I think) aims to finish watching all the shows in funshion. No more 我要看！给我用！fights anymore. Happy and Satisfied. Mac rules!

Sweet Boyfriend on Our 1year 6months Anniversary

Our first DIY Tiramisu

Someone who warms my heart

Today, I told my friend that I do not have much close friends. She said it does not matter. What matters is who will be there with me in good and bad times until I aged. Everyone may be busy and could hardly meet. But as long as friends make an effort to catch up with each other. As long as friends continue to bitch around and show concern. They are true friends.

Prelude to Bubble updates

A week ago I started noting down a list of topics to blog about. This list includes many first times. First tiramisu baking session. First bouquet of flowers received. First macbook pro brought. First Japanese buffet at Ikoi. First interview experience with 4 interviewers. First experience being backstabbed. First dad’s dialysis session. And the list gets longer. Apparently, I have not started blogging about any. I am just LAZY. But in order for you to shower your care and concern and love on me, I will blog about those listed… before August ends. Have to stop here because it’s time for tea break. LOL

Wedding bells are ringing

23rd May 2010 marks the start of a chain of close friends wedding. Invitations that address "Eunice Goh" instead of "Mr Goh and family" will start pouring in over the next few years. It's a season to get teary and emo. And maybe kan chiong when I'm no where near there.

Although it is every woman's dream to get married and live happily ever after, the thought of going through these emotional process scares me. I realise I get teary at weddings the moment the couple starts walking down the aisle. Because it looks exactly like the last page of a fairy tale. I begin to wonder how can I handle this when it's my turn to be the princess. Somehow I just wish that day never comes. Or maybe I could just skip the whole emo part. Yet, some part of me still secretly hopes to be the main character someday.

That special Sunday was, to date, the most touching wedding I have ever attended. Maybe because it involved both of my friends who plays a significant role in my life. Or maybe because I witnessed parts of their ups and downs. There were laughters and tears and bags of blessings. Not forgetting it was my first time walking down the aisle as a bridemaid. Love was in the air and they looked blissful. All in all it was a very memorable event. I am so happy that they have their happily ever after.

Till my fairy tale wedding...

What should I do next?

I AM SO BORED!!!

Literally staring at the screen. Cannot watch youtube due to my unflavourable seating position in the office. Managers keep walking pass me from behind. I finally understand why those gals put mirror in front of them. Initially I was thinking why are they so ai mei. Hahaha!

How to endure 5 months? Seriously. Super no motivation at all. Everyday still need to climb the bloody steep hill. Sometimes I wonder why do people hire degree graduate to do something that 'O' level graduate can do... Maybe I didn't think properly before accepting this job. So what if you are a company that has high branding... pui. =X Quite disappointing as a first job. But it's okie. Things will get better. I'm out of here soon...

So as you can see... too busy also cannot, too free also cannot.
Kind of hard to find something that has an equilibrium.
But there will be a job out there that suits us.
Keep finding...

Approaching life in a different perspective

Recently, I read a convocation speech by Adrian Tan from a friend's blog. It was a different kind of speech that one would expect to hear. In case you are wondering who on earth is Adrian Tan, he is a laywer and the author of The Teenage Textbook. Some famous guy apparently.

He said our lives are pretty much over when education ends. Since the saying goes "learning is a lifelong process" and the end of education means we are done learning, we are done living. (He believes the saying is a gimmick for teachers to have customers. After all they are in the learning business.) Given that life has ended, we are free to play. We should pursue something that we enjoy so much so that we would do it for free. This passion will energize us and becomes an obsession. This should be how we embrace a new fulfilling life.

If not, we are working. And the most important point to note is we should never work. "If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left." This strong statement makes me think about people around me. Sad to admit, some of them are extinguishing.

Adrian also commented that people are working hard for more than half their lives so that they could enjoy the small remaining portion in comfort. However, many of them never reach that part. You never know when you are going to drop dead. Maybe years, weeks, days, or hours later. Damn! Life is never fair. We never get what we want. As much as we want to play, we often are left without options. If you have already found your obsession, I'm happy for you. But if you don't have a chance and is working, try to find something to keep the flames burning! Remember to enjoy every moment that is left of you.

Another interesting thought of his is not to settle ourselves with life expectations set by average people. Just because everyone else is diligently following a set of rules to live life, doesn't mean we have to aspire to be them. Like we are told to find high pay jobs, how much hours to work, responsibilities, etc.

Moreover, he said being someone nice is easy but it simply categorizes you into the average group. So he believes we should aim to be hated. Think about it, great figures around the world are hated by at least one person. They are not as accommodating as nice people and they hold strong convictions. Yet, they are not evil. They are just doing what they love to do. Thus, be hated is a sign that you are successful. But most great figures don't have good endings. Everything comes with a price, doesn't it?

The last advice he gave is to love someone. Not be loved. Bringing along with loving someone come admiration, attraction, learning, and happiness. You will inspire to be better in every way. It is easier to find a reason not to love someone than to love someone. Acceptance, therefore, is important. However, people sometimes voice out what's wrong. Does that mean they can't accept you, hence, doesn't love you? Or they just hope to improve things for the better? It is tacky to decide, isn't it? Acceptance is hard work. We have to work hard on it. Perhaps like how he put it, when the face is less important than the brain and the body is less important than the heart, you have found someone to love.

No matter what aspect of life he is talking about, no matter how much you believe his interesting/weird theories, he put his point across... like how I keep hearing this word in gossip girls, Find Your Muse! And Enjoy!

Merry Christmas

Dear Santa and Loved Ones,

Thank you for a fruitful year! From the minute I became gu gu to the hours donned in long blur robe to those days roaming in kangaroo land to spending months staring at the four walls, losing sight of the road ahead... Thank you, I've experience a great deal! Without you, my dear ones, there won't be laughter and joy! May life gets better and the new year flourish into dozens of dreams come true!

Love,
Eunice

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